I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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