She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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