My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My penis needs a shock collar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
