so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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