This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
