tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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