Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
