I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
