Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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