hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize