and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
