i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
