When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
