You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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