I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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