Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
