i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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