Moan for me like Helen Keller
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
