Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
