we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
