he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
