so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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