you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
