Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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