She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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