Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
