this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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