Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
