I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
