I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
