Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
