I want to make a zoo with you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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