Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
