i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we made out on top of his cat.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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