im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
