Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
