I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize