She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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