mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
