Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to get me chipped asap
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
