im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
