I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
