He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
