RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
