On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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