I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
