At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
