I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
