is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
