I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can i not drive my cunt home
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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