When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize