I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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