I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
