She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
