my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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