I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
