2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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