Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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