3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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