I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
