Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
