the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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