Your dad touched me again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
