I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
