we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
